How to deal with someone using you


 

 

“If you feel like you are being used, you should assess the situation and check yourself to see if you are in the most healthy relationship or friendship you can be in. ”

This article helps you identify some signs that you’re being used and suggests some strategies to help you put a stop to it.
Being used is never a good feeling, but unfortunately, it can happen in sneaky ways.

 

1. Being used in a friendship

Friends are the best .. until they’re the worst. Friends are essential to our lives as social beings. we confide in them, look to them for support when we’re feeling down, and celebrate with them when we experience success. As we grow and evolve, our friendships will change, too, but sometimes not in a good way. maybe you no longer have anything in common, or maybe your friendship has become toxic and decide it’s time to end the friendship.

Signs that you are being used in a friendship

1. You only hear from your friend when she needs something
2. Your friend betrays your confidence for personal gain
3. Your friend makes plans with your friends without you
4. She’s insincere in her interest in you
5. Her attitude toward you changes for the worse
6. Your friend doesn’t call you unless they need something
7. They do everything they can to do as little as possible
8. They never seem to think of you
9. Your friend knows surprisingly little about you
10. They speak poorly of you to others
11. When you have a crisis, they disappear
12. You only hang out with them under specific circumstances
13. They get pushy or manipulative if you don’t give them what they want
14. They’ve told you that they’re using you
15. They always need to be in charge
16. They know all of your buttons and push them accordingly
17. You can’t be yourself
18. They talk about you behind your back
19. You feel like you’re being manipulated
20. They dip in and out of your life
You can’t count on them

 

How to take the right action

1. Assessing Your Friend’s Behaviour Patterns

1. Notice if your friend only reaches out when in need of something.

If your friend only wants to talk to you or spend time with you when in need of help or advice, or if it is always about your friend’s needs, then it’s possible you’re being used.

2. Assess whether your friend can be trusted.

A real friend does not betray your secrets, particularly in a way that could damage you. To assess whether your friend can be trusted, think back on whether your friend has leaked private information about you; especially if it is for personal gain. If so, it is possible that you are being used.

3. Assess whether your friend excludes you.

Does your friend often exclude you from social events? A friend who is not using you would be inclusive and inviting, particularly among a group of friends that you both already know.

4. Watch your friend’s actions.

Actions speak louder than words; if your friend is always saying that he or she will return a favour but never does, it’s possible you’re being used.
Watch for guilt trips. If your friend often tries to manipulate you with tactics such as trying to guilt you into things that you don’t want to do, it’s possible you’re being used.

5. Assess whether your friend is controlling.

If your friend is always trying to boss you around and tell you what to do, particularly if it benefits her or her friends, he or she may be using you.

6. Trust your instincts

If it feels that your friend is being insincere, especially if this is a repeated pattern, you are probably right. To be sure, confront your friend. Ask whether he or she means the things being said.

2. Asking Your Friend Directly

1. Prepare yourself.

2. Find a quiet spot.

3. Be alone with your friend

4. Speak calmly but assertively.
5. Seek an apology.
6. Consider breaking it off if you feel that

7. It’s all about being used and has nothing to do with genuine friendship.

Here are some things to try to stop being in a toxic friendship :

1. Don’t message or call them as frequently.

If you used to text three times a week, bring it down to twice a week, and then once a week.
If it’s tricky because you’re all in the same group, you could try limiting your catch-ups to group stuff so that your interactions are less personal.

2. Fade them out
The slow fade only works if you’re both on the same page and are mutually putting less effort into your friendship. It’s a non-confrontational approach that’s often effective. This means that the fade-out isn’t mutual.

3. Officially end the friendship
This method involves sitting down with the person and letting them know that the friendship is over. This is a pretty tough option and requires a lot of courage from you, the same way that breaking up with a partner would. The great thing is, it gives you both the opportunity to get everything out in the open and get closure.

4. Completely drop them
If your friend is being physically or emotionally abusive or making you feel like crap .. for example, they call you names to put you down, physically hurt you, threaten you or control you – this is not okay. You don’t owe them anything and you have the right to remove yourself from the situation.

5. Getting help
Sometimes, we need professional help to deal with the effects of ending a relationship. Also, if you think your friend needs to talk to someone, or that they’re a risk to themselves or others, encourage them to seek help.

 

2. Being used in a relationship

Doing things for each other is the benefit of a healthy relationship. If you run an errand for them or help with a project, they should be willing to do the same for you.

Red Flags That Signal You’re Being Used :

1. Feel afraid to say no.

Some partners have a subtle way of working around their partner that tries to reject their demands. Sometimes a partner tries to make the other feel bad on purpose if they don’t help them out.

2. Feel emotionally led on.

Your partner may act nice toward you when seeking a favour, but wouldn’t usually pay attention to you or your needs. In other words, a partner will play nice when they want something in return.

3. Feel guilty when something didn’t meet their standards. You may feel bad about not doing something for them. A partner can make you feel this way as their way of getting you to do things for them.

4. Feel resentment.

Over time, a partner may grow feelings of resentment when they feel disrespected or that they are not being treated fairly.

5. Feel as if your needs are not important 

A partner may expect you to do favours for them but won’t bother doing them for you in return. Sometimes such inclinations lead to a partner getting ahead in their life career-wise or financially. If your partner isn’t returning favours, there is a relationship imbalance you can’t ignore it

How to take actions

You don’t have to be in this position. There are things you can do when feeling used to put yourself in a better situation. Take action with the following suggestions:

1. self Confident In Yourself.

Learn to build self-confidence and love yourself. This keeps you connected to the things you love that make you who you are.

2. Assess The Dynamics Of The Relationship.

Don’t be afraid to speak up. Talk about your feelings with your partner. Work on your communication. Engage in productive conversations about each other’s emotions and actions. Talk to a friend or family member to get things off your chest and to help you open up to your partner.

3. Get Help For Your Relationship.

It may be challenging tackling counselling problems yourself. It is okay to seek professional support to help you recognize the situation. Couples’ counselling provides an unbiased perspective of your situation.